For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in
the same room and let them fight it out.
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it’s
going to be up all night.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, “Did you sleep good?”
I said, “No, I made a few mistakes.”
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line.
He caught every other fish.
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings… Boy With
Pail…Kitten On Fire…
I installed a skylight in my apartment…The people who live above me are
furious!
My roomate got a pet elephant and lost it. It’s in the room somewhere.
I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got
there.
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the
neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my
yard or I’ll throw it at them.