Translating Menspeak

When He Says – He Really Means
———— – —————-
Do you have the time? – to go to bed

Hello – Let’s cut the talk and go have sex.

How are you? – in bed, I mean.

I’d like a discreet relationship. – I want sex, but I’m married.

I’ll be out of town for a few days. – I’ll be spending time with with the wife.

I’m a novelist. – I have 10 unpublished books.

I’m coming off a long relationship. – My wife is divorcing me.

I’m consulting. – I’m looking for a job.

I’m divorced. – I just slipped off my wedding ring.

I’m in television. – I fix them.

I’m involved in banking. – I’m a bank guard.

I’m self-employed. – I just got fired.

I’m sorry I flirted with your sister. – I’m sorry I got caught.

I’m thinking of relocating. – I can’t find a job locally in this town.

I can’t leave my wife just yet..soon. – Be patient forever.

I enjoy reading. – Playboy and Penthouse.

I have the Midas touch. – I install mufflers.

I like a woman who is intelligent. – As long as she acts like I’m smarter.

I love opera. – I want sex, but I’ve seen an opera once.

I play the market. – Safeway

I work high up in an executive office. – I’m a window washer.

I work with computers. – I’m a cashier at a gas station.

Looking for a satisfying relationship. – I want sex.

My business is really hot right now! – I hand out towels in a steam room.

My job keeps me running. – I’m a messenger.

My wife and I are separated. – She’s at home and I’m here at the bar.

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