- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
- Job interfering with your drinking.
- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
- Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
- 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case – coincidence?? – I think not!
- Two hands and just one mouth… – now THAT’S a drinking problem!
- “Norm!” is what they say when you enter the bar.
- When you can focus better with one eye closed
- The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
- Every woman you see has an exact twin.
- You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.
- If you keep asking your wife “where are the kids?”, but you don’t really have a wife and you’re talking to the refrigerator.
- You fall off the floor.
- You discover in the morning liquid cleaning supplies have disappeared.
- Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
- Had “Spuds McKenzie” tattoo removed, replaced it with “Red Dog.”
- Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
- Beer: it’s not just for breakfast anymore.
- The glass keeps missing your mouth.
- Bob Dole starts to make sense.
- When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
- Vampires get woozy after biting you.
- The only drinking problem is not having a drink right now.
- At AA meeting you begin: “Hi, my name is… uh…”
- Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
- When vomiting becomes a relief.
- Having a hard time staying on the side walk – left, right, stumble, fall
- You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom.
- Barney, that dinosaur is damned funny!
- You think, Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.
- Every night you’re beginning to find your roommate’s cat more attractive.
- Hi occifer. I’m not under the affluence of incohol.
- Waking up with a traffic cone between your legs.
- No occifer, I’m not drunk… you’re just sober…
- Problem? I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down… No Problem
- If on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
- Take me drunk, I’m home!
- The bottle’s empty… that’s the problem!
- Find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
- You wake up naked lying in the corner of a bus depot.
- Roseanne looks good.
- Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of bottle.
- You drink to get over a hangover.
- That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
- You are the proud owner of a porcelain bus driver’s license.
- The Whisky Ain’t Working Anymore.
- Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
- You have a reserved parking space at the A&P.
- I’m as jober as a sudge!
- You consider yourself a workaholic, because every time you go to work, you want to have a beer!
- I slept with that damned pink elephant again.
- Mosquitoes spiral down to the ground in circles after biting you.
- Newt Gingrich… he’s soooo sexy.