The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret those hidden signs:1. Women won’t unlock car door for men – Doesn’t engage in oral sex2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman – no foreplay3. Can’t hail a cab – impotent4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant – prefers virgins5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way – is a virgin6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant – Compulsive Don Juan7. Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif – Compulsive Don Quixote8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar – Compulsive Don Ho9. Wants to go to a French Restaurant – will swallow10. Wants to go to a deli -won’t swallow11. Uses Sweet n’ Low – wearing falsies12. Takes too long deciding what to order – has trouble reaching orgasm13. Orders salad dressing on the side – will give you a hand job but won’t go ‘all the way’14. Gives explicit orders to waiter – will expect incredibly skilled gymnastics in bed15. Asks for extra rolls – will say she’s using birth control when she’s not, will get pregnant and sue16. Insists on ordering for you, refering to you as ‘the lady will have…’ – thinks you had an orgasm when you didn’t17. Asks for the ‘usual’ – Insists on missionary position only18. Asks what the specials are – will want you to use handcuffs19. Fills up on bread and crackers – premature ejaculator20. Doesn’t finish everything on plate – has already come21. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered – will make you sleep on wet spot22. Changes mind after ordering – will never call you23. Changes tables – nymphomaniac24. Drinks decaf – fakes orgasms (female)25. Orders in French – fakes orgasms (male)26. Sends food back – will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money27. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts – needs you to talk dirty during sex28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers – wants a handjob29. Orders a dessert involving nuts – castrating bitch30. Wants to split dessert – is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters31. Credit card is refused – low sperm count32. Undertips waiter – small penis33. Undertips parking valet – small penis34. Undertips cabbie – small penis35. Uses toothpick – is trying to tell you size isin’t everything36. Removable cassette player in car – pulls out repeatedly during sex37. Cellular phone in car – penile implant