– Hospital diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
– Never look happy in front of your doctor, he will know you
have done something wrong.
– Never go to a doctor if his house plants have died.
– Many people suffer poor health, not because of what they eat
but from what is eating them.
– An apple a day will keep the doctor away; an onion a day will
keep everyone away.
– Happiness is when your doctor tells you to gain 10 pounds.
– Why do nurses wake me up to give me a sleeping pill?
– If you think time heals everything, try sitting it out in a
doctor’s office.
– My doctor answers all the questions, but my wife questions
all the answers.
– Eat, exercise, die anyway!
– The secret of good health is to start doing what you should
have been doing 30 years ago.
– Women don’t live longer, it’s just men that die sooner.
– Cancer cures smoking.
– If men are God’s gift to women, then God must really love gag
gifts.
– When the doctor gives you one of those skimpy gowns, you know
that the end is in sight.