ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. — Abraham Maslow
ON MATERIALISM
He who dies with the most toys, is still dead.
ON ECONOMICS
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. –English Professor, Ohio University
ON POETIC LOVE
When you’re swimmin’ in the creek And an eel bites your cheek That’s a moray! — Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
ON MODERNISM
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many minimalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.
ON EXTINCTION
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
ON LITERATURE
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. — Dorothy Parker
ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.
ON PROPHECY
The meek shall inherit the earth —they are too weak to refuse.
ON NUMBERS
Grabel’s Law: 2 is not equal to 3 — not even for very large values of 2.
ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggy” until you can find a rock.
ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence.