Things You Can’t Say at Work

ahhh…i see the f***-up fairy has visited us again…

i don’t know what your problem is, but i’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

i see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

i’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

it sounds like english, but i can’t understand a word you’re saying.

i can see your point, but i still think you’re full of s***.

i like you. you remind me of when i was young and stupid.

you are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

i have plenty of talent and vision. i just don’t give a damn.

i’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

thank you. we’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

what am i? flypaper for freaks!?

yes, i am an agent of satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

and your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be…?

do i look like a people person?

this isn’t an office. it’s hell with fluorescent lighting.

sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

if i throw a stick, will you leave?

i’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

can i trade this job for what’s behind door #1?

how do i set a laser printer to stun?

i thought i wanted a career, turns out i just wanted a paycheck.

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