20> “Wake up, America! It’s time for Morning Drive-By with your host, Chuck Heston!”
19> “And here’s our number one song for an amazing 22nd week in a row: ‘Happiness is a Warm Gun’!”
18> “Caller, can you speak up? You’re getting drowned out by the noise from the black helicopters.”
17> “And now let’s hear from the gun control proponent who has been waiting on hold for 5 days….”
16> “Let’s face facts, people: No matter how you stand on gun control, when you become the commander-in-chief of the military, you become a licensed gun owner.”
15> “Go ahead, FCC… make our day.”
14> “Here’s a reminder from the traffic center: Carpool lanes are to be used only by drivers who have someone riding shotgun.”
13> “Here’s Woody Stockton, with the widest selection of wood stocks in stock in Stockman Woods County. Woody?”
12> “And now the news, brought to you today by Soldier of Fortune Magazine.”
11> “That was Aerosmith & Wesson with ‘Janie’s Got a Gun, Which Is Her Constitutionally Protected Right.'”
10> “Don’t touch that dial, you damned dirty ape!”
9> “Stay tuned. Up next is 50 Cent with ‘In Da Club.’ We don’t normally play rap, but hey, this guy’s been shot nine times. He’s living proof of what we’ve been saying all along: Guns *don’t* kill people.”
8> “Now, let’s go back to NRAdio’s most popular news program, ‘All Things Obliterated.'”
7> “Hi, Larry. Long time shooter, first time killer. Hey, I’m thinkin’ that maybe we should take the term ‘bleeding heart liberal’ just a little bit more literally.”
6> “We’re here live at the Plug-a-Pest for Jesus Invitational, where this year’s ‘guest’ is Michael Moore!”
5> “Calm down, caller, and let’s go through our checklist… Number one: Was the other hunter approaching you in a threatening manner?”
4> “That little gem was ‘I Shot the Sheriff — and the Deputy, the Warden, a Couple of Guards, a Meter Maid, a Vending Machine, Three or Four Plants….'”
3> “And here comes another Ted Nugent rock block… Holy crap! How many albums did Ted record?”
2> “Bud Light salutes you, Mr. Gun-Toting Bambi-Killer.”
1> “Here’s a long-distance dedication from Mike of Idaho. He writes, ‘Dear Casey, could you play LL Cool J’s ‘One Shot at Love’ for my girlfriend, Denise, who broke up with me last week after I shot her ’cause I thought she was a burglar’?”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]