16> “Actually, I’ve been here for over 20 minutes, big guy — I was
just out chillin’ in the van waiting for the end of the live version of
‘Freebird’.”
15> “I keep forgetting which side of the International Date Line
you’re on.”
14> “We’re *open* on Tuesdays?!?”
13> “It took this long to get the ol’ blood alcohol level down to
the legal driving limit.”
12> “I had to take extra time this morning to wrestle with
overwhelming aggressive impulsies by reassuring myself that nothing
would happen today that would push me over the edge.”
11> “My proctologist got stuck.”
10> “It was Senator Kennedy’s turn to drive today, so I’ve spent the
last hour swimming.”
9> “I’m late because I was on the phone trying to get *your* lousy
shipping department to send the company’s office supplies directly to
the winner of my eBay auction.”
8> “Hey, time becomes meaningless when you’re as strung out on
crystal meth as I am.”
7> “Sorry, sir. I overslept and dreamt I had a dead-end job, a
windowless office and a humorless baboon for a boss.”
6> “Heidi Klum refused to untie me.”
5> “On the second Tuesday of the month, the Campho-Phenique man
comes by to fill the drum for my home supply of industrial-strength
anti-canker sore gel.”
4> “I’m sorry, boss, but I had to stop to get you — uh — this box
of ten donuts.”
3> “It took me a little longer than normal to hide my disdain this
morning… Sir.”
2> “My dog ate my presentation, sir. And by ‘my dog’ I mean
your wife, and by ‘ate my presentation’ I mean ‘was boinking me’.”
1> “These are not the ‘droids you’re looking for.”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com
]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]