16> The President lets you ride on “Air Force One”, if you know what I mean.
15> Boss not only implements “Casual Fridays” but also “Topless Tuesdays.”
14> You’ve just leapfrogged Al Gore in the line of succession.
13> “Oooh, yeah, baby — I’ll make you a White House Secretary… Assistant Chief of Staff… ohhh… Ambassador to Sweden!… Supreme Court Justice!!! Supreme Court Justice!!!”
12> The President has the Secret Service detail your ’91 Taurus.
11> Buddy no longer wastes time sniffing both your crotch and the President’s.
10> After your first “meeting” with “The Boss,” you move up 2 tax brackets.
9> As if national publicity, a $1M movie deal, and $10M in Democratic hush money wasn’t enough, the Paula Jones Foundation for Homely Women has donated $20K to you for a full makeover.
8> You get to sit on Gore’s lap during the State of the Union Address.
7> You know the White House like you know the back of the President’s head.
6> Your per diem is bigger than Peru’s GNP and your only duty is to keep silent.
5> The first lady invites you on a private ski weekend.
4> The Vice President isn’t the only “stiffie” you’ve seen in the White House.
3> Performance review rated you a “10” in the category “Ability to turn-on the president with your hillbilly good looks.”
2> Al Gore’s pulse jumps up to 3 when you pass by.
1> It ain’t Keats, but for Bubba, “Shall I compare thee to a Big Mac” is pretty damn romantic.