16> Cool beachwear now consists of a Hawaiian shirt buttoned to the neck, Bermuda shorts hiked up to nipple level, black socks and sandals.
15> Dumps Barbie, steals her Corvette, and goes cruisin’ for hot Sailor Moon chicks, Spice Girl dolls and Power Puff Girls.
14> New anatomically correct version has comb-able ear and back hair.
13> Can’t seem to get it up with anyone but Dominatrix Stacie(R).
12> Convertible? Check.
Blonde Bimbo? Check.
Fake Hair? Check.
Hey, Ken’s been middle-aged since 1972!
11> Due to a recent court order, toy stores can no longer stock him within 2 aisles of “Catholic Schoolgirl Skipper.”
10> Young Ken: lack of penis resulted in sexual frustration with Barbie.
Old Ken: lack of penis results in inability to refuse trips to antique store.
9> Sudden existential crisis makes him worry that people perceive him to be plastic.
8> New “Comb-Over Ken” spends hours in front of the mirror trying to figure out how to cover the bald spot with three strands of plastic hair.
7> Protruding gut magically retracts whenever Barbie’s teenage sister Kelly comes around.
6> Bottle of Viagra: $40
Hair transplants: $900
New red Ferrari: $175,000
The look on Barbie’s face when you tell her you’re leaving her for her younger sister, Skipper: Priceless.
5> “I don’t care if it IS the size of a large bagel to you, you’re gonna choke down that blue pill, Plastic Boy!”
4> Lately he’s been lobbying Mattel to make an “American Beauty Edition” Skipper, complete with rose petals.
3> New “Workout Ken” comes complete with a running bra.
2> “Hey Barb, if we get to The Sizzler at 4:00, we can get the ‘Early Bird’.”
1> Bad news: doctor wants to start doing regular prostate checks
Worse news: no visible rectum
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]