16. The X-Files: “The Merchandise is Out There.”
15. Can’t Hardly Wait: “**** – Pedophile Weekly”
14. The Horse Whisperer: “Filmed in Glorious Viagra-Rama”
13. Almost Heroes: “Almost Watchable!”
12. Godzilla: “His turds are bigger than your Winnebago.”
11. The Horse Whisperer: “It’s like ‘The Electric Horseman’, but this time Bob’s only stunts involve bladder control.”
10. Saving Private Ryan: “Serious-Schindler-Spielberg, Not Cool-Dinosaurs-Spielberg.”
9. The Horse Whisperer: “Just keepin’ the chicks happy between asteroids.”
8. Hope Floats: “Never mind the Sex Pistols; here’s the Bullock”
7. Godzilla: “The last time a film sucked this much, Traci Lords was in it.”
6. 6 Days, 7 Nights: “Try to guess what Anne Heche is thinking about while she kisses Harrison Ford!”
5. The Horse Whisperer: “Take Your Woman To See This, And She’ll Owe You Sex For Months!”
4. Black Dog: “No one with a three digit IQ admitted without a country & western singer.”
3. The X-Files: “Like you could stay away if you tried, Nerd Boy!”
2. He Got Game: “But he ain’t got passing SAT scores!”
1. A Perfect Murder: “Two Thumbs Up! – O.J.”