16> Number of dentists not intimidated by the powerful Trident lobbying committee: 1 out of 5
15> Recommended average inflation pressure for TopFive contributor dates: 100 PSI
Average ACTUAL inflation pressure for TopFive contributor dates: 150 PSI
14> Percentage of “very special episodes” on “Blossom”: 82%
13> Number of votes by which George W. Bush carried Florida:
862 +/- 9301
12> Amount of time it takes the average office worker to ALT+TAB from HoochieWorld.com to an Excel spreadsheet: .052 seconds
11> Ratio of Cheney arterial blockage to Bush synaptic blockage: 1 to 1
10> Chances that Suzi, newly added to your ICQ list, is actually female: 62%
9> Lifespan of a $45 bouquet of anniversary roses: Two FRIGGIN’ days
8> Probability of the new U.S. President doing his Tom Cruise dancing in his Jockies in “Risky Business” impersonation in the Oval Office before 2004: One-hundred-percentiary, dude!
7> Probability that anything will happen when you walk into a room and flick the wall switch:
98% (nationwide)
46% (California)
6> The amount of time Anna Nicole Smith has used up so far: 14 minutes, 59.7 seconds
5> Most frequent odors encountered when meeting Jesse Helms: Tobacco, Brut, Brimstone, Ham
4> Percentage of Americans who have difficulty grasping mathematical concepts: Purple
3> Exact number of dots on the office ceiling at my lousy-ass, dead-end job: 36,783
2> Odds of making the top 5 list without first introducing Chris White to some crisp Franklins: 1 in 104,376
1> Number of Supreme Court justices it takes to screw in a dim bulb: 5
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]