The Top 16 Faux Pas Committed at Tailgate Parties

16> Cleaning off the grill between seasons.

15> Your choice of “rowdy” music? “Ambient Sounds of the Tropical Rainforest.”

14> Using cheap French cheese instead of fine American cheese in the fondue pot.

13> Distributing your PETA literature.

12> “You do know that Bear Bryant was a cross-dresser, right?”

11> Cutting a hole in the crotch of the life-sized cardboard Joe Paterno, then sticking a hot dog through it.

10> Funneling white wine with red meat.

9> A good rule of thumb regarding centerpieces: People who bring centerpieces to a tailgate party SHOULD BE SHOT ON SIGHT!!!!

8> Using the salad tongs to scratch your crotch.

7> Any serious tailgater knows that only an oatmeal stout can stand up to a pancake breakfast.

6> Bringing along your “Martha Stewart’s Prized Tailgate Recipes” cookbook.

5> The tofu chili was bad enough, but it was your braised passion fruit and kelp salad with spelt-rhubarb dressing that sealed the deal.

4> Letting those “Queer Eye” guys talk you into bringing a veggie tray.

3> Lying down in a parking spot and making “oil angels.”

2> “Hey guys, since we’re missing church and all, why don’t we have a little Bible study right here?”

1> Acceptable: Showing off by playing around with the ol’ pigskin. Not acceptable: Doing so with the ol’ foreskin.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

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