15> Siegfried and Roy — pork chop codpieces
14> Courtney Love — sobriety
13> Godzilla — Atkins’ lo-carb, high-people diet
12> Boston Red Sox fans — all hope
11> Rush Limbaugh — painkillers… ah, who am I kidding? Can you score me anything?
10> Calista Flockhart — those decadent mini-rice cakes with celery
9> Michael Jackson — the lost puppy trick
8> Ashton Kutcher — having random truckers beaten up for their wardrobe
7> Janet Jackson — shameless, transparent, manufactured attempts to revive her dying career through cross-platform promotion on vehicles owned by the parent company of her record label in order for them to recoup some of the losses suffered from signing her to an insane $80 million contract in 1996
6> Pete Best — repeatedly slapping self on forehead
5> Pope John Paul II — drag-racing the popemobile on Saturday nights down at the Colosseum
4> Howard Dean — delusions of grandeur
3> Mel Gibson — bagels and kosher dill pickles
2> Gollum — heroin… er… um… I mean my preciousss!
1> Justin Timberlake — using “biology malfunction” as an excuse for impotence
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]