15> A bitchy blonde laughs that your date can’t dance, then spits out her punch when you reply, “Who cares? He’s Will Hung!”
14> He looks even dorkier in his rented tux than the other guys in attendance.
13> When you tell him he’s the absolute worst kisser you’ve had in your entire life, he just laughs and keeps kissing you.
12> Answered: Your idle speculation about what Yoko Ono would sound like as a Vegas lounge act.
11> A jealous Ruben Studdard beats your date to a pulp in the parking lot.
10> After 20 minutes of awkward fumbling in the limo, he casts his eyes to the floor and says, “I have no professional training with bra clasps.”
9> The intoxicating rush of fame from “The Simple Life” has already worn off, and Paris drew the longer straw.
8> Your cousin Paula described your blind date as a world-famous pop singer with millions of fans and a great down-to-earth personality — but conveniently failed to mention his giant goofy head.
7> Your date can’t dance, can’t sing… oops, never mind. False alarm: He’s just a normal white guy.
6> As you approach the karaoke bar for that after-dinner drink, the owner hurriedly turns the sign around from “OPEN” to “CLOSED.”
5> He manages to tear your dress, trash your corsage and step on *both* your feet dancing, but that doggone goofy charm convinces you to give it up anyway.
4> Despite his embarrassing performance in the back seat of his car, his earnest demeanor landed him a $25,000 porno deal.
3> His tux, the limo, the hotel room… everything has been rented for just 15 minutes.
2> “Our next song is by request — for the fifth time tonight, not that we’re counting… ‘She Bangs!'”
1> Fox has already cleared three nights of its fall schedule to accommodate a series documenting the evening, with rights to a second one covering the after-party.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]