15> Mayor Ryan Seacrest emcees the yearly Village Idiot festival.
14> You celebrate the Fourth of July in May, when the weather is nicer.
13> Anyone can easily bypass security at City Hall by dressing like Mayor McCheese.
12> The high school valedictorian? Jessica Simpson.
11> The locals don’t believe in the teaching of education in the schools.
10> Schools and offices close on the third Monday in January to commemorate “Billie Jean King Day.”
9> Revitalization hopes seem to be pinned on the planned TopFive Stadium.
8> Despite protests from the community theater folks, the city council recently banned thespian weddings.
7> The town’s pride and joy: the world’s only aquatic sports center/waste treatment plant.
6> Standardized tests suggest that the entire population does disgusting things with pencils.
5> Half the citizens are still preparing for Y2K, “just in case.”
4> Despite 857 deaths in the past decade, St. Patrick’s Day is still celebrated by leaving all the traffic lights on green.
3> Town stationery bears the official slogan: “Proud Birthplace of Woody Harrelson.”
2> In the 2000 presidential election, the entire population mistakenly cast their votes for Rutherford B. Hayes.
1> This week’s double feature at the Bijou: “Dumb and Dumber” and “Dumb and Dumber.”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]