15> Finally tell off that loudmouth weight lifter in the exercise yard.
14> Same as every other nutcase — blame the whole thing on MTV’s “Jackass.”
13> Take another crack at that damn “Hideously Unfair and Absolutely Biased Top5 Contributor Test.”
12> Speed reading!
11> Decide on last words: “I’ll see you in Hell, Will Rogers” or “Sorry, I don’t do drugs.”
10> Crochet another dozen baby blue afghans for the boys of Terre Haute.
9> In preparation for some serious ass-kissing, get that “Satan’s Bitch” tattoo.
8> Plot the violent overthrow of a corrupt government — at least until this damned prison makes a proper double latte.
7> Cancel date for New Year’s Eve.
6> Have the last laugh by officially changing name to “Poopie Farter,” resulting in hilarious headlines the next morning.
5> Cancel that subscription to Dangerous Loner Digest.
4> Leave care and feeding instructions for Mr. Jingles with warden.
3> Ask the guard if it’s not too late to change answers on the warden’s “How’m I Doin’?” comment card.
2> “Lethally inject” a case of Old Milwaukee.
1> Break down, cry like a little girl and wet my pants. Repeat hourly.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]