15> No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.
14> For children ages 4-10, or really wasted adults.
13> Not to be confused with “Poke You Man” by Adult Inflatable Products, Ltd.
12> Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.
11> Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.
10> Failure to fall immediately to your knees in gratitude and eternally thank parents for shelling out $400 and waiting in line behind a smelly woman from Jersey City for two hours to *get* your Sega Dreamcast — especially when you’ve already got a Playstation and a box full of games that are now headed for the next garage sale — may result in bodily injury.
9> Syringe and vaccine sold separately.
8> Do not stare at product. Hey! You’re doing it now! Cut that out!!
7> In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement.
6> Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.
5> For eternal use only.
4> For best results, consume hard liquor prior to assembly.
3> Talk to your doctor before using Xenical Barbie. Xenical Barbie not intended for children less than 20% above their ideal weight. Discontinue use if oily leakage occurs.
2> Replacement blades and toes not included.
1> Warning: Although technically a game, Parcheesi sucks.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]