14> The Lockhorns are still married, and still not the least bit funny.
13> These days, Brenda Starr looks more like Bart Starr.
12> Beetle Bailey spends the whole night at a corner table with the Goths, swilling tequila and railing about the government.
11> Peppermint Patty is a touring golf pro on the LPGA.
10> A long stay in Oswald State Penitentiary has made Dennis 35 percent less menacing.
9> “Look at Cathy over there with Peppermint Patty. I guess she solved her guy problems.”
8> Billy from “Family Circus” unable to attend as he was convicted of cocaine possession after a jury rejected his “Not Me!” defense.
7> “Little Orphan Annie! Did you have your eyes done?”
6> Sarge’s and Zero’s looks haven’t changed much, thanks to breakthroughs in external-tooth denture technology.
5> Director of Homeland Security Sluggo sends his regrets.
4> What the hell?!? Jughead somehow managed to become president of the United States!!
3> Charlie Brown’s bad toupee scares the holy hell out of Marmaduke.
2> Pig Pen now runs a trash business and is married to Anna Nicole Smith.
1> After numerous complaints about the punch, all eyes turn to the snickering man in the corner holding a ratty stuffed tiger.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]