14> Routinely outsmarted by cheese
13> Three experts short of an antitrust suit
12> Three-time Darwin Award winner
11> Keeps her brain in mint condition
10> A few planets short of a federation
9> Backstreet Boy in a Talking Heads world
8> Duh! on parade
7> Still cutting with rounded scissors
6> He’s a T-1 line of pure stupid
5> At least one Brady short of a Bunch
4> Sharp as a donut
3> Has a vacancy at the Grey Matter Motel
2> T minus dumb and counting
1> “Good afternoon, Boulder Homicide”82