13> The tears flow in the produce section as the sight of two perfect cantaloupes bring memories of her flooding back.
12> You keep calling his old number in the Oval Office, even though you know that new dumb guy always picks up.
11> You don’t know what you’d do if you didn’t have your dotcom stocks to console y– uh-oh.
10> You keep mailing her threatening letters because her restraining orders smell like her.
9> Even your therapist suggests that you “take the manly route of suicide.”
8> You start writing country songs… and the country is Bosnia.
7> You ask your pastor if it’s improper to have a funeral for your penis.
6> You’re too depressed to get out of bed and stalk her.
5> Keeping a stained dress: Tacky
Using it to clone an army of SuperPresidents: Creepy
4> You haven’t returned any of Rupert Murdoch’s calls about appearing on “Who Wants to Catch a Multimillionaire on the Rebound?”
3> Inspired by a combination of true love and a court order, you’re always just over 50 yards away.
2> “All your albums are belong to me!”
1> You cry every time you take a leak, because *she* used to take a leak.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]