13> New pickup line: “You’d be the hostage I kept till the end.”
12> Three straight days wearing his “What Would Charles Bronson Do?” T-shirt.
11> His new “365 Ways to Go Berserk” desk calendar.
10> Your fellow librarian starts running after patrons and stamping their faces with the “date due” stamp.
9> Overheard saying to his manager, “Y2K? Not gonna be an issue, dude.”
8> The company newsletters on his bulletin board have push-pins through everyone’s faces.
7> His molar grinding is actually causing sparks.
6> He suggests replacing “Casual Day” with “Wear a Bull’s-eye T-shirt Day.”
5> Whenever you ask how he’s doing, he always says, “Gruntled.” Except today.
4> After pumping the vending machine full of bullets, he removes all the boxes of JuJuBees, caresses each one, and whispers, “You are all my children.”
3> He discreetly shows you the staple gun he’s converted to fully automatic.
2> Right after you click the “Send” button, you hear him mutter, “I swear, the next person who sends me one of those damn Top 5 Lists…”
1> He’s the only one at work smiling.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]