13. Bribe college officials into letting me teach an ethics class.
12. Before turning in House MasterCard, book first class tickets for urgent fact-finding mission to Tahiti.
11. 1) Borrow another $300,000 from Bob Dole
2) Go to The Gap
3) Buy Trans Am
4) Grow goatee
5) Hire interns.
10. Switch to new, cooler nickname: “Salamander”
9. Now that I’ve got some time, put flowers on first wife’s grave.
8. Nothing out of the ordinary: Write a few articles, make a couple of luncheon speeches, do some needlepoint.
7. Dismantle social programs: Done. Restructure tax laws to further benefit the wealthy: Done. Have democratically-elected President impeached for getting some: …Damn!
6. Put a stop payment on most recent check to Paula Jones.
5. Retain lawyer for breach of contract suit against Satan.
4. Promote newest book: “Quitting for Dummies”
3. Reduce dosage of mean-bastard pills.
2. Call Limbaugh and Buchanan about “3 Windbags” mega-tour.
1. Tell Democrats that their lips “can make a contract with my ass.”
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]