13> “And now, Miss West Virginia will sing ‘Wind Beneath My Wings,’ accompanied by her penis.”
12> “I completely fail to see what people find interesting about Oprah.”
11> When asked how she would help the world, she says “I’d get the Knicks a decent freakin’ point guard, fer chrissakes.”
10> “Here she is, Miss East Ger-man-yyy, …”
9> Asks everyone, “Does this bikini make my package look big?”
8> Meticulously coiffed hair? Check.
Swimsuit? Check.
Black socks and sandals? Uh oh.
7> “And now for my talent segment, I’m going to write my name in the snow.”
6> Gets lost backstage, then refuses to ask for directions.
5> There’s only one contestant who can carry a spare towel into the shower and still scrub Miss Norway’s back with both hands.
4> “If I could change one thing about the world, I’d like to have an all Three Stooges channel on cable.”
3> Measurements: 36, 26, 7, 36
2> Wake up call — 7:00am
Dressed and ready to go on stage — 7:12am
1> “Now there’s a nice touch: Miss Florida has pinned a tiny replica of her state on the front of her bikini bott– Oh, my dear lord in heaven….”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]