10> As we aimed all those surgical strikes
At the target of all our dislikes,
We grew slowly aware
That Saddam’s facial hair
Was the lamest since, well, the Third Reich’s.
9> Saddam once had sensitive skin
And no hair on his chinny-chin-chin.
But his lip was pubescent,
A real fertile crescent,
Where follicles quickly grew in.
8> The dictator ruling Iraq
Grew a mustache all shaggy and black.
A little while later
He lay in a crater,
As vultures approached for a snack.
7> “Dad’s mustache exceeds any other!”
Cried young Uday to Qusay, his brother,
“It will always be there
Because thick facial hair
Is the one trait he shared with his mother.”
6> In order to set an example,
Hussein was the right guy to trample.
Now his bushy mustache
And a bit of eyelash
Are what’s left for his DNA sample.
5> Next to Hitler’s, it’s not trimmed as well.
More like Stalin’s, as best I can tell.
Lenin, too, might dispute
Saddam’s ‘stache was a beaut.
They can argue about it in hell.
4> Saddam cut a figure quite charming —
Stalin-like, but perhaps less alarming.
His lip was hirsute,
Which he thought made him cute.
It’s too bad that he wasn’t disarming.
3> Samson’s strength was dependent on hair.
Can Saddam Hussein’s mustache compare?
We could tell our troops: “Wait!
Spend a buck ninety-eight —
You can rub out the bastard with Nair!”
2> While Saddam grew his ‘stache with no trouble,
Not so lucky was Chuckie, his double.
Though Hussein in his wrath
Threw Rogaine in the Baath,
He could still hardly sprout more than stubble.
1> Saddam, now most likely “the late,”
Suffered one final, humbling fate:
His mustache ditched his lip
Like a rat from a ship,
And was seen crawling south t’wards Kuwait.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]