“East Texas Driving Tips”
– Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun
is loaded and the deer is in sight.
– When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires always gets the right of way.
– Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
– When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
– Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when
driving.
– Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can
fit in.
– Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
“East Texas Personal Hygiene”
– Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a
hand-me-down item.
– If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.
– While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
– Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette
lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same
goal and save hours. Note: It’s a good idea to keep a bucket of
water handy when using this method.
“East Texas Dating (outside the family)”
– Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first
date.
– Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: “I’ve been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men’s
bathroom wall two years ago”.
“East Texas Theater Etiquette”
– Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately after the movie had ended.
– Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have
proven they can’t hear you.
“East Texas Wedding Etiquette”
– Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
– It’s not OK for the groom to bring a date to the wedding.
– A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective
but also a proven fly deterrent.
– For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty
appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes
for this special occasion.
“East Texas Etiquette for All Occasions”
– Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press
charges.
– Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
– Always say “Excuse me” after getting sick in someone’s else’s
car.
– It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church,
– Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, you
should refrain from driving a U-Haul to the funeral home.
– The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets,
especially if other people are around.
– Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.