* Finally you can eat dinner at 4:00* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.* Kidnappers are not very interested in you.* It’s harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.* If you’ve never smoked, you can start now and it won’t have time to hurt you.* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.* Your eyes won’t get much worse.* Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.* Things you buy now won’t wear out.* No one expects you to run into a burning building.* There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.* Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.* In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.