– You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
– You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
– Job interfering with your drinking.
– Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
– Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
– The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
– Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
– 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case – coincidence?? – I think not!
– Two hands and just one mouth… now THAT’S a drinking problem!
– You can focus better with one eye closed.
– The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
– You fall off the floor…
– Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
– Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
– Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
– At AA meetings you begin: “Hi, my name is… uh.
– Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
– You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
– The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in…
– You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women or Men].
– Every night you’re beginning to find your roommate’s cat more and more attractive.
– Roseanne looks good.
– Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
– That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
– Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
– I’m as jober as a sudge.
– The shrubbery’s drunk from too frequent watering.
– You wake up screaming “TORO, TORO, TORO!” in the middle of the night.