Sarcasm for the workplace:

Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

Do I look like a people person?

This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

You! Off my planet!!

Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of
self-control.

I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

Aw, did I step on your poor itty bitty ego?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I’m not tense, just incredibly alert.

When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

Earth is full. Go home.

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