“Looking back over the years that we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder:…
— What was I thinking?”
“Congratulations on your wedding day!…
— Too bad no one likes your wife.”
“How could two people as beautiful you….
— have such an ugly baby?”
“I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love…
— After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.”
“I must admit, you brought Religion in my life…
— I never believed in Hell until I met you.”
“As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am…
— that you’re not here to ruin it for me.”
“As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you’ve given me…
— Like the need for therapy.”
“Thanks for being a part of my life!!!…
— I never knew what evil was before this!”
“Before you go,…
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
— You’ll probably need it again.”
“Someday I hope to get married…
— but not to you.”
“You look great for your age…
— Almost Lifelike!”
“When we were together, you always said you’d die for me…
— Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.”
“I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend…
— So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.”
“We have been friends for a very long time…
— What do you say we call it quits?”
“I’m so miserable without you…
— It’s almost like you’re here.”
“Congratulations on your new bundle of joy…
— Did you ever find out who the father was?”
“You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was
only one life jacket…
— I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.”