Real estate is going up again. So if you’re looking to start the coming millennium in a new home, here are some helpful translations of descriptions found in Real Estate ads:
- Sophisticated city living = Next to a noisy bar
- Old World Charm – Has some woodwork, needs cleaning
- Contemporary feeling = Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.
- Close to Lakes = Impossible to park from April to October
- Wide open floor plan = Previous owner removed supporting walls.
- Security System = Neighbor has a dog.
- Need TLC = Major structural damage
- Updated kitchen = Sink no longer overflows.
- Motivated seller = Has been on the market for 14 years.
- Convenient = Located on freeway entrance ramp.
- Mint = Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.
- Neutral decor = No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.
- Move in condition = Front door missing
- Cozy = No room larger than 9 x 6
- Lower level family room = Ping Pong table over sewer opening
- Light open spaces = Many holes in walls and ceiling
- Outstanding – Painted purple, and sticks out like a sore thumb.