- Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
- Sex is like air, it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.
- If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of?
- No guts, no glory, no brain, same story.
- Cocaine is gods way of telling you that you make too much money.
- If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said “Quit while you’re ahead”?
- If you don’t die from it — it is healthy.
- If everything is going well, you don’t know what the hell is Going on.
- One good turn gets most of the blankets.
- It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
- There are three kinds of people — those who can count and those who can’t.
- It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out.
- My homework is like a juicy steak — rarely done.
- There are two kinds of pedestrians — the quick and the dead.
- Life is sexually transmitted.
- Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- If at first you don’t succeed — give up! No use being a damn fool.
- Falling in love is awfully simple. Falling out of love is simply awful.
- No job is so simple that is can’t be done wrong.
- You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
- Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles.