- I’m a corporate executive — I keep things from happening.
- If Clinton is the answer, it was a stupid question.
- Lobotomies for Democrats: It’s the law.
- Bad Cop! No donut!
- Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
- Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
- I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- He’s not dead — He’s electroencephalographically challenged.
- She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
- Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
- A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.