Mr. Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons: – has to work hard- has to work at great depths- has to work upside-down – has no ventilation or air-conditioned work environment has to work in a high humidity environment with odors – has to work at hot temperatures- does not get weekends or holidays off – does not get time off after extra hours of work has a hazardous work- environment that often causes illness Management Reply: “Request denied for the following reasons” – does not work 8 hours straight during any work period- does not respond immediately to any requests – coworkers often unsatisfied by job- performance falls asleep after a short period of activity – shows no evidence of loyalty at the workplace – works better alone than with others – does not work at all unless pushed from behind – does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work – sometimes leaves work too early