Maxine’s Top Ten New Years Resolutions
Skip exercise every day instead of just three times a week.
Call one of my relatives every day. Call one a doofus, call one a bonehead,
call one a jerkwood, call one a…
Go to the park more often to feed the pigeons…to the cat.
Stop eating so much high-fat fast food and eat more high-fat home cooking.
Expand my horizons with travel. In other words, use the upstairs bathroom
more.
Reread all my favorite novels. And this time read the whole book, not just
the steamy underlined parts.
Force myself to stop watching so much trashy TV. Rent trashy movies instead.
Teach Floyd a new trick, and remember to rotate which neighbors yard he does
it in.
Clean the house more often. Once a millennium just isn’t enough.
And my Number One New Years Resolution:
Only moon people who absolutely, one hundred percent deserve it. So that’s
still pretty much everybody.