What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
– The man.
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
– When it’s time to go back to childhood, he’s already there.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
– Trustworthy.
Why are men like commercials?
– You can’t believe a word they say.
Why are men like popcorn?
– They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Why are men like blenders?
– You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
– Because so many men fake foreplay.
Why are women so bad at mathematics?
– Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches.
What’s the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
– Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
What’s a man’s definition of a romantic evening?
– Sex.
What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
– When the power goes off.
What do men and women have in common?
– They both distrust men.
How can you tell the difference between men’s real gifts and their guilt gifts?
– Guilt gifts are nicer.
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
– His wife is good at picking out clothes.
How is a man like the weather?
– Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
– One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
– What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
– Slow.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
– They’re married.
What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
– An insurance company.
Why don’t men often show their true feelings?
– Because they don’t have any.
Why do men have a hole in their penis?
– So oxygen can get to their brains.
What’s easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?
– A snowwoman is easier to make, ’cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.
What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
– Castrated.
What’s the difference between government bonds and men?
– Bonds mature.
What’s the difference between a man and E.T.?
– E.T. phoned home.