“It’s a guy thing.”
Really means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it,
and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
“Can I help with dinner?”
Really means: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
“Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
“It would take too long to explain.”
Really means: “I have no idea how it works.”
“I’m getting more exercise lately.”
Really means: “The batteries in the remote are dead.”
“We’re going to be late.”
Really means: “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”
“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.”
Really means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
“That’s interesting, dear.”
Really means: “Are you still talking?”
“Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.”
Really means: “I forgot our anniversary again.”
“You expect too much of me.”
Really means: “You want me to stay awake.”
“That’s women’s work.”
Really means: “It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.”
“You know how bad my memory is.”
Really means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”
“Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.”
Really means: “I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.”
“I do help around the house.”
Really means: “I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.”
“Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.”
Really means: “I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon.”
“I can’t find it.”
Really means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
“What did I do this time?”
Really means: “What did you catch me doing?”
“I heard you.”
Really means: “I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”
“You look terrific.”
Really means: “Oh, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”
“I missed you.”
Really means: “I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.”
“I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.”
Really means: “I’m lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again.”
“We share the housework.”
Really means: “I make the messes, you clean them up.”
“This relationship is getting too serious.”
Really means: “You’re cutting into the time I spend with my truck.”
“I don’t need to read the instructions.”
Really means: “I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.”