Good Things to Say When You’re Stressed at work:
1. “Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!”
2. “You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing?!”
3. “Well this day was a total waste of make-up”
4. “Well aren’t we a bloody ray of sunshine?”
5. “Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.”
6. “Do I look like a fucking people person!”
7. “This isn’t an office. It’s HELL with fluorescent lighting”
8. “I’m not crazy. I’ve been in a very bad mood for 30 years.”
9. “Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.”
10. “Do they ever shut up on your planet?”
11. “I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable”
12. “Back off!! You’re standing in my aura.”
13. “Don’t worry. I forgot your name too.”
14. “Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.”
15. “Wait… I’m trying to imagine you with a personality”
16. “Chaos, panic and disorder… my work here is done.”
17. “You look like sh!t. Is that the style now?”
18. “A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.”
19. “You are depriving some village of an idiot.”
20. “If assholes could fly, this place would be a fuckin airport.