Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
-Billy Crystal
If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: “I’m cheap!”
-Delta Burke
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men
are just grateful.
-Jay Leno
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle
maintenance.
-Tim Allen
There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think
there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think,
“I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.”
-Jerry Seinfield
You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to
start all over again.
-Joan Rivers
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
-George Carlin
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable
job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At
the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
-Jeff Foxworthy
Men look at women the way men look at cars. Everyone looks at Ferraris.
Now and then we like a pickup truck, and we all buy station wagons.
-Tim Allen