Performance appraisal terms and their real meanings:
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE:
Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Made no major blunders – yet.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Drinks a lot.
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Spouse drinks, too.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the cops.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
Opinionated.
QUICK THINKING:
Offers plausible excuses for mistakes.
CAREFUL THINKER:
Won’t make a decision.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
Conceited.
PLANS FOR ADVANCEMENT:
Buys drinks for all the boys in the office at happy hour.
FORCEFUL:
Argumentative.
AGGRESSIVE:
Obnoxious.
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS:
Gets someone else to do it.
A KEEN ANALYST:
Thoroughly confused.
EXPRESS THEMSELVES WELL:
Speak English.
CONSCIENTIOUS:
Scared.
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
A nit picker.
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES:
Is tall or has a loud voice.
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGMENT:
Lucky.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:
Knows a lot of dirty jokes.
STRONG PRINCIPLES:
Stubborn.
CAREER MINDED:
Back Stabber.
COMING ALONG WELL:
About to be let go.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
Gets to work on time.
RELAXED ATTITUDE:
Sleeps at desk.
EXPERIENCED PROBLEM SOLVER:
Screws up often.
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY:
Too ugly to get a date.
INDEPENDENT WORKER:
Nobody knows what he/she does all day.
FORWARD THINKING:
Procrastinator.
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS:
Able to BS well.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Spends lots of time on phone.
LOYAL:
Can’t get a job anywhere else.