Despite protests, boycotts and whatnot, “gay friendly” Disney chairman Michael “I’m Not Gay But I Love That Way” Eisner announced that the entertainment goliath would proceed with it’s complete overhaul of all Disney products, especially it’s film division, in it’s plans to “completely fagify” before the year 2000.
Undeterred by his $90 million dollar palimony settlement with power player Michael Ovitz from whom he recently separated, Eisner wants to keep momentum of the homosexualization of Disney at full throttle. Here are a few of their upcoming projects:
The long-awaited re-release of PINNOCHIO.
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, with new voices provided by Rob Jackson-Parish (as Beauty), Harvey Fierstein (as the Beast), and Sir Ian McKellan (as Mr. Tea Room).
THE LITTLE SPERM-AID (for male audiences), starring Greg Louganis.
THE LITTLE HER-MAID (for lesbian audiences into cute little french uniforms), starring the voice of Jody Foster.
A-LAD-IN, with lead voice by Chad Allen (of Dr. Quinn fame) and Harvey Fierstein (as the Genie) (featuring the song “A Whole New Girl” by RuPaul).
THE LYIN’ KING — with a new story focusing on Himba, a cute little tyke who calls himself Same Gender Loving but sleeps around with the rest of the lions for nothing more than sex. Featuring the songs “Jerk Circle of Life” and “Hakuna, No Caca, I Ain’t Into That Shit”.
THE CURVED-BACK OF WHATTA DAME — Cruella de Ville and Jessica Rabbitt set their eyes on the bodacious curvavious Esmerelda.
THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG-BANG — starring Kevin Spacey, James Black, Tyson Beckford and DB Woodside
SNOW QUEEN AND THE SEVEN EUROPEAN DWARFS — featuring the song “Colors in the End” by Jay Davidson.
And, of course:
101 DENTAL DAM-NATIONS
AROUND THE BATHOUSE IN 80 MINUTES
BEDPOSTS AND BIG STICKS
DOOFY DOES DALLAS
DOWN AND OUT IN BEVERLY SILLS
DOWN AND OUT IN CLINTON HILL
DOWN AND OUT ON BALDWIN HILLS
ESCAPE TO CLIT MOUTNAIN
FAGTASIA
HERBIE RIDES AGAIN… AND AGAIN… AND AGAIN
HIMBERELLA
HUNG OF THE SOUTH
LOOK WHO’S WALKING FUNNY
MARY POPS IN, starring Queen Latifah and Kathy Najimy
NAMBY
PETE’S VERY LONG DRAGON
POKE-A-HUNTER
SLEEPING BOOTY
SMELLIN’
SMIRKULES, about a bunch of catty cats
SWEET DICK WILLIE
SWISS ROD IN SOME FAMILY
THE ADVENTURES OF UNCLE TOM SAWYER AND FUCKLEBERRY FINN
THE JUNGLE FEVER BOOK
WHO TURNED OUT ROGER’S RABBIT?