Y2K Drop the chalupa! Pikachu Like… Don’t go there! Livin’ la vida loca Da bomb Xtreme Millennium Whatever… Jar-Jar Zero Tolerance Get over it! Is that your final answer? Jerry Springer Chris Gaines The Real World Construction zone Time capsule Like … Have a good one!
Category: top lists
You Know You’re From Northern New York When…
You’ll never hear at a Star Trek Convention
1> “Hey, guys, how ’bout we finish this conversation over a beer at the topless bar?”2> “Jim Beam me up, Scotty.”3> “Dammit, Jim — I’m a has-been actor, not an autograph-signer!”4> “To Wong Fu, thanks for everything, Patrick Stewart.”5> “If you think the brie’s good, you should try the salmon pate.”6> “Oooh, Girlfriend — Just look at all these hunks! Set your phaser for ‘Love!'”7> “You’re nuts. Swimming is by far the hardest part of any Iron Man Triatholan.”8> “Look! It’s Eddie Murphy!”9> “I got laid last night!”10> “Kirk, Picard… what’s the difference, they’re both losers. I’ll take Will Robinson and Dr. Smith any day.”11> “I dunno, sometimes I wonder if the show was really deserving of all this attention.”12> “It’s pointless to compare the original crew to the Next Generation, since they’re only fictional characters anyway.”13> “Make it so, Baby, make it so.”14> “Does this Star Fleet Academy uniform make me look fat?”15> “Will the owner of the red Porsche 911, license plate ‘STUDMFN’, please turn your headlights off?”
The Top 12 Signs the Year of the Rabbit Has Begun
12> Glenn Close’s corpse found floating in a hot tub.
11> Always a line for carrots in the produce section.
10> “Another Oscar? For me? Doc, you shouldn’t have!”
9> Time’s Men of the Year: Prince Charles and Ross Perot
8> Within a week of each other, Bob Guccione and Larry Flynt both meet an untimely demise.
7> Cocoa Puffs and Raisinets. Everywhere you look, Cocoa Puffs and Raisinets.
6> Kids start wearing their ears long and droopy.
5> Dozens of checks voided after “Year of the Rat” written in the date.
4> Much better TV reception.
3> You’re overcome by an incredible urge to mate indiscriminately and produce as many offspring as possible. (Or was that the Year Of The NBA Player?)
2> Scientists in the Mary Kay testing lab getting laid off by the dozen.
1> A desperate Al Stewart is forced to use the word “dagnabbit” in a rhyme.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]The Top 12 Cochranisms for …
NOTE FROM CHRIS: Attorney Johnny Cochran, in his defense of O.J. Simpson, came up with the now-famous rhyme, “If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”
12. If your hair has a smell, it must be that gel.
11. If the coach is a dope, he ought to be choked.
10. If the kids are all crotchety, they must have Tamagachi.
9. If she’s loose at the lip, she must be a Tripp.
8. If the Cowboys pay cash, then Irvin didn’t slash.
7. If it was written by Carlin, clean your disk out by mornin’.
6. If the talk show stars Magic, it’s going to be tragic.
5. If you eat that Olean, your pants won’t stay clean.
4. The man’s no criminal, if the stain isn’t seminal.
3. If your tummy needs Beano, place the blame on El Nino.
2. Only *four* worthless tarts, after Ginger departs.
1. If George Michael’s in the stall, better pee in the hall.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
Top Ten Signs You Might Need a New Roommate
10.. Has posters of creepy Newsweek covers with “Doe” and “Lewinsky” over his/her bed…
9. Sings the ending to the Flintstones as “an all gay time…”
8 .. Mumbles incoherently to a now green piece of cheddar cheese.
7 .. Frequently looks down at crotch and argues “Lipid, SOLID, Lipid, SOLID…”.
6.. His/her toothbrush has tried to make a “run for it”.
5.. Claims he had an affair with Bill Clinton and has never left his home state of Montana.
4.. Bought a cage for the dustbunnies and keeps food and water in it for them.
3.. Is the sole attendee for a 12 step program no-one has ever heard of.
2.. Glows when sleeping.
1.. Believes that “up” is relative to the rotation of his home planet.
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
Good girls and bad
Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttonsGood girls wax their floors Bad girls wax their bikini lineGood girls blush during sex scenes in movies Bad girls know they could do it betterGood girls wear white cotton panties Bad girls don’t wear anyGood girls think they’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls Bad girls think they’re fully dressed with just a strand of pearlsGood girls pack their toothbrush Bad girls pack their diaphragmsGood girls own only one credit card and rarely use it Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use itGood girls wear high heels to work Bad girls wear high heels to bedGood girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance Bad girls think no place is the wrong placeGood girls prefer the missionary position Bad girls do too, but only for startersGood girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed. Bad girls go to the party, go to bed and then go home.Good girls say no Bad girls say when, when?
Top 10 things you don’t want to hear your mage say in battle.
10) “Is it virgin’s tears and dragon’s blood, or dragon’s tears and virgin’s blood? Maybe the dragon was a virgin..”
9) “Hmm…is this the recipe for a Potion of Healing, or for Chile Con Carne?”
8) “Oh, oh, oh, oh! That wand of cold balls -didn’t- do what I expected.”
7) “By any chance, have you seen a summoned 9th order fire elemental wandering around? No? Oh.. Tell me if you do.”
6) “It’s supposed to have five points?”
5) “My familiar will take care of that dragon! Sic ’em, Fifi!”
4) “What kind of cheap, wussyarse excuse for a djinn only gives one wish? Oh, he’s still here…”
3) “Eennie, meenie, miny, moe.. Which end points toward the foe?”
2) “Damn. I knew I should have used Energizers in this thing.”
1) “Oops…”
10 reasons not to jog
For all you health nuts out there: 1) My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now & we don’t know where the heck she is.2) The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.3) I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.4) I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.5) I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.6) I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.7) I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.8) The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.9) If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.10) I don’t jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
The Top 16 Cities Named by Potheads
16> Cannabismark, ND
15> Tallahashish, FL
14> Roachanoke, VA
13> Browniesville, TX
12> Toke-Yo, Japan
11> Stashville, TN
10> Sacremellow, CA
9> San Anstonio, TX
8> DudeYouJustTotallyJustThrewUpInMyHairrisburg, PA
7> Bong Kong, China
6> Galvistoned, TX
5> Whoamaha, NE
4> Wreckedjavik, Iceland
3> Munchie, IN
2> Hemphis, TN
1> Dorito, Ohigho
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]