Category: top lists

It’s against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas. In Maine, it’s illegal for a police officer to tell you to have a nice day after giving you a traffic ticket. In Natoma, Kansas, it’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits. You can’t sleep with chickens in Clawson City, Mich. In California, it’s against the law to use your dirty underwear as a dust rag. It’s illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you’re sitting on a curb in St. Louis. It’s against the law in Chicago to eat in a place that is on fire. It’s illegal to slurp soup in New Jersey.In Mayville MI it is illegal to play frisbee in the street.In Kansas it is illegal to have cherry pie alamode (icecream on cherry pie)In Los Angeles it is illegal to have an icecream cone in your pocket.

10. It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.9. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place” and got a “Error 404” message? 8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV–even on MTV. 7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard. 5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an “Under Construction” sign. 4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in. 3. You just can’t find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web. 2. Set-top boxes don’t beep and whine when you hook up to HBO. 1. You can’t surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.

1> Barbie Wan Kenobie’s Malibu Deathstar2> Darth Vibrader3> “Ewok On A Stick” toilet brushes4> Volkswagon’s “Return of the Jetta”5> Tampex Tampons, now with starfighter X-wings and lightsabre applicator6> Darth Vader Ginsberg doll — Black robe and goofy glasses sold separately7> Metamucil – “May the Force run through you!”8> McDonald’s Ewok Burger Happy Meal9> “Do you know me? Probably not, if I’m out of my Stormtrooper uniform. That’s why I carry American Express.”10> Han Solo Cups11> R2D2, C3PO & KY4U “Adult Action Figures”12> Lando Calrissian Cognac — 40 Parsecs of smoooooth13> Princess Chia14> Chewbacca Chew’n T’bacca, from Skoal15> The “Princess LeiaMe” blow-up doll

10. The monitor is up on blocks.9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them. 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six. 5. The password is “Huntin”. 4. The CPU has a gun rack mount. 3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive. 2. The keyboard is camouflaged. 1. The mouse is referred to as a “critter”.

Numbers of the Beast

• 660 — Approximate number of The Beast
• DCLXVI — Roman numeral of The Beast
• 666.000000 — Number of the High Precision Beast
• 0.666 — Number of the Millibeast
• / 666 — Beast Common Denominator
• 0.005015 — Reciprical of the Beast.
• 666i — Imaginary number of The Beast
• 1010011010 — Binary number of The Beast
• 443556 — Square of the Beast
• 2.8235 — Log of the beast
• 6.5913 — Ln Beast
• 1.738E289 — Anti-log of the beast
• 6.66E2 –Scientific number of the Beast
• 29A — Hexadecimal number of the Beast
• 666! -_ Factorial of the Beast
• 6, uh… what was that number again? — Number of the Blonde Beast
• 1-666 — Area code of The Beast
• 00666 — Zip code of The Beast
• <Mailto://[email protected]. — E-mail address of the beast
• <http://www.666.org.html. — web-page of the Beast
• 1-900-666-0666 — Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
• $665.95 — Retail price of The Beast
• $55.50 — Monthly cost of the Beast in twelve easy equal monthly installments
• $699.25 — Price of The Beast plus 5% state sales tax
• $769.95 — Price of The Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
• $656.66 — WalMart price of The Beast
• $646.66 — Next week’s WalMart price of The Beast
• Phillips 666 — Gasoline of The Beast
• Route 666 — Way of The Beast (Highway to Hell)
• 666 Minutes — Weekly news program about the Beast
• 666 F — Oven temperature for roast Beast
• 664 & 668 – Neighbours of the Beast
• 666k — Retirement plan of The Beast
• 666 mg — Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
• 6.66 % — 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
• Lotus 6-6-6 — Spreadsheet of The Beast
• Word 6.66 — Word Processor of The Beast
• i66686 — CPU of The Beast
• 666-I — BMW of The Beast
• 665.99999973 _ Intel Pentium number of the Beast
• 666 Sunset Strip _- Old T. V. series about the Beast soon on Nick-At-Nite
• DSM-666 (revised) — Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of The Beast
• Windows 666 — Bill Gates’ personal Beast

The person who knows everything has the most to learn.

The less a man knows, the easier it is to convince him he knows it all.

Nothing annoys me more than a man who thinks he knows it all and does.

Feel sorry for the man who has been educated beyond his intelligence.

The only successful substitute for a lack of brain is silence.

The more a man knows himself, the less he says about it.

A wise man never blows his knows.

If a little learning is a dangerous thing, then most people are safe.

Knowing a lot is of no value if what you know isn’t so.

An ignorant person is one who doesn’t know what you just found out.

16. The X-Files: “The Merchandise is Out There.”

15. Can’t Hardly Wait: “**** – Pedophile Weekly”

14. The Horse Whisperer: “Filmed in Glorious Viagra-Rama”

13. Almost Heroes: “Almost Watchable!”

12. Godzilla: “His turds are bigger than your Winnebago.”

11. The Horse Whisperer: “It’s like ‘The Electric Horseman’, but this time Bob’s only stunts involve bladder control.”

10. Saving Private Ryan: “Serious-Schindler-Spielberg, Not Cool-Dinosaurs-Spielberg.”

9. The Horse Whisperer: “Just keepin’ the chicks happy between asteroids.”

8. Hope Floats: “Never mind the Sex Pistols; here’s the Bullock”

7. Godzilla: “The last time a film sucked this much, Traci Lords was in it.”

6. 6 Days, 7 Nights: “Try to guess what Anne Heche is thinking about while she kisses Harrison Ford!”

5. The Horse Whisperer: “Take Your Woman To See This, And She’ll Owe You Sex For Months!”

4. Black Dog: “No one with a three digit IQ admitted without a country & western singer.”

3. The X-Files: “Like you could stay away if you tried, Nerd Boy!”

2. He Got Game: “But he ain’t got passing SAT scores!”

1. A Perfect Murder: “Two Thumbs Up! – O.J.”

16> The burger and fries taste about the same, but the Tab’s a bit flat.15> The environment-proof packaging doubles as wall insulation.14> Your prize? A Jimmy Carter figure with Hustle-Action Hips!13> Mayor McCheese doesn’t yet show the ravaging effects of his crack habit.12> That Daisy Duke on the box sure looks like a purty girl. But then so do Bo and Luke.11> The loogie hocked in the burger smells of Billy Beer.10> The burger is served *with* a bun, in blatant disregard for your child’s carb intake.9> It tastes like Norman Fell.8> The Farrah Fawcett mini-poster that came with it shows no discernible traces of irony or sarcasm.7> When you place your order, the guy behind the counter yells, No Coke. Pepsi!6> The included toy is hand-carved from real wood and can be fully enjoyed even if you haven’t seen the movie.5> The condiments include salt, pepper, ketchup and sweet, sweet cocaine.4> The fries are cold as ice… they’re willing to sacrifice your love.3> The Michael Jackson trading card inside has some black guy on it.2> You broke a French fry in half and counted the grease rings.1> The collectible Gary Coleman trading card draws your attention to the real Gary Coleman working the grill in the back. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

12> “Thank you for calling Epson. All operators are currently helping other customers. You have been on hold for approximately… one… thousand… years….”

11> “Senator Thurmond, your wife is on line 3.”

10> “Another Christmas like this, and Amazon.com just may turn a profit!”

9> “Chris White, you have been defrosted to stand judgement for the recently discovered document known as ‘The Rejected Hurricane Name List’.”

8> “I found it on the Galactinet — I think it’s a picture of how humans used to reproduce.”

7> “Hi, I’m Dick Clark, here to count you down into the new millennium!”

6> “I did *not* have cybersex with that netbot.”

5> “Okay, I’ll go over it one more time: It doesn’t really start until January 1, *3001* because…”

4> “Middle East peace talks have been put on hold once again…”

3> “25,000 zelgers, same as on Mars.”

2> “We at NASA cannot be discouraged by this recent failure, and we are fully confident that our next manned mission to Mars will be a complete success.”

1> “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Microsoft…”

10. Thou shalt help other users.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.36. Come in wearing a full knight’s outfit, complete with sword and shield.