Category: thoughts

Masterbating is like cheating. It’s fun until you realize you are only screwing yourself!!!

How come wrong numbers are never busy?Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?Does killing time damage eternity?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them? When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Does fuzzy logic tickle?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? What happens when none of your bees wax? Where are we going? And what’s with this handbasket?

When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in? If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

How can there be self-help “groups”? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can’t find himself?

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.The pen is mightier than the sword — if the sword is very small and the pen is real sharp.If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?Call me insane one more time and I’ll eat your other eye!I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.