Category: thoughts

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box? When a cow laughs does milk come up its nose? Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines? How did a fool and his money GET together?

Everyone has a photographic memory. But some folks don’t have film. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts? Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together? Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is? Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

How can there be self-help “groups”?How do you get off a non-stop flight?How do you write zero in Roman numerals?How many weeks are there in a light year?If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.What’s another word for thesaurus? What would we have called the color orange if it wasn’t a fruit? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? You know how most packages say “Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.What’s another word for thesaurus? What would we have called the color orange if it wasn’t a fruit? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes froze the end of my nose. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Why is the word big so little and the word little so big? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Do pilots take crash-courses?Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?It’s a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?Why do they call it “chili” if it’s hot?Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?