Category: sports

One day at a softball camp Deserray W. told me a joke . Ajoke about Cat O. that she had six toes on one foot Des said that cat showed her.I did not belived her .At yhe saramony i saw Cat wearing sandles and she had 10 toes together.WIERD

Eddie came to work Monday and his co-workers asked him how his weekend was. He said he played a little golf. So his co-worker asked him how well he did.

“I hit two of my best balls,” he said.

“Tell me about it,” said his co-worker.

“I stepped on a rake.”

Q: These days, what do you need to shoot to win a
professional golf tournament?
A: Tiger Woods.

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended
when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature,
and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a
flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and
jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across
the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.
The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything
unusual about my new dog?”
I sure did,” responded his friend. “He can’t swim.

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and
took a blanket to the couch.

The next day the wife feeling bad about what happened decided to buy her
husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer she went to the pro shop where
he usually went. She talked with the pro and he suggested a putter and he showed
her one of his finest.

“How much is it?” she asked.

“One hundred and fifty dollars,” he replied.

She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so.

“But it comes with an inscription,” he said.

“What kind of inscription?” she asked.

“Whatever you wish,” he explained, “but one of the old golfers favorites is,
‘NEVER UP, NEVER IN.'”

“OH, that will never do!” exclaimed the wife. “That’s what started the
argument in the first place!”

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow
noticed that his partner had only one golf ball.

“Don’t you have at least one other golf ball?” he asked. The other guy replied
that he only needed one.

“Are you sure?” the friend persisted. “What happens if you lose that ball?”

The other guy replied, “This is a very special golf ball. I won’t lose it so I
don’t need another one.”

“Well,” the friend asked, “what happens if you miss your shot and the ball
goes in the lake?”

“That’s okay,” he replied, “this special golf ball floats. I’ll be able to
retrieve it.”

“Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the
bushes and shrubs?

“The other guy replied, “That’s okay too. You see, this special golf ball has
a homing beacon. I’ll be able to get it back — no problem.”

Exasperated, the friend asks, “Okay. Let’s say our game goes late, the sun
goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do
then?”

“No problem,” says the other guy, “You see, this ball is fluorescent. I’ll be
able to see it in the dark.”

Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, “Hey,
where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?”

The other guy replies, “I found it.”

As the young couple prepare to go to bed on their wedding night, the groom
says to his bride, “Honey, I have a confession to make. I’m a golf addict.
I play whenever I have a minute. I can’t get enough of it. you’ll probably
never see me on the weekends.”

His bride looked a little uneasy and then said, “Honey I have a confession
also…I’m a hooker.”

“No problem.” Replied the groom, “Just keep your left arm straight and keep
that head down. Yu’ll be hitting them straight in no time.”

Ski season is here. The following is a list of exercises to help you prepare:
– Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
– Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you
go to bed each night.
– If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
– Throw away a hundred dollar bill – now.
– Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots
carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for
your car. Sporadically drop things.
– Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice
and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
– Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
– Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at
high speed.
– Go to McDonald’s and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are
in the longest line.
– Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast
enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
– Drive slowly for five hours – anywhere – as long as it’s in a snowstorm and
you’re following an 18 wheeler.
– Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your
face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
– Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off
because you have to go to the bathroom.
– Slam your thumb in a car door. Don’t go see a doctor.
– Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it’s time for the
real thing.

A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow
approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays
alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.

Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, “Say,
we’re about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?”

The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn’t like to bet but
agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as
they’re walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he
confesses that he’s the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on
suckers.

The first fellow reveals that he’s the Parish Priest at the local
Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and
offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, “No, no. You won fair
and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.”

The pro says, “Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

The Priest says, “Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I’ll marry them for
you.”

Q: Why is basketball the grossest sport there is?
A: Because they dribble all over the court.

A football coach walked into the locker room before a big game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.”

The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, – “Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this: What is two plus two?”

The player thought for a moment and then answered, “4?”
“Did you say 4?!” the coach exclaimed, excited that he had given the right answer.

Suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach, give him another chance!”

Yo mam is so dumb she went to a Clippers game and expected a haircut.