Category: sports

John and his friend George go golfing together one Saturday morning, as they have done for 24 years straight. Yes, you might say these guys were fanatics about their golfing.Later that day, John returns home exhausted, and plops down in the easy chair. His wife is concerned and asks if something went wrong with his game.”No, no,” he replied, “I had the best game I had in years! As a matter of fact, I started out the first three holes at 4 under par, including a hole-in-two on the 3rd.””So why are you so beat?” his wife asked.”Well, George had a heart attack and died on the 4th hole,” he said.”What?!? And you’re so exhausted from trying to save him, huh?””No, It was very quick and there was nothing anyone could’ve done. But after that, it was just hit the ball, drag George, hit the ball, drag George…”

During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the
team’s cheerleaders.

The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, “You
are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite
woman? She is no bigger than your hand.”

“That’s right, Coach,” replied the lineman. “But, she’s much better!”

1. Q. Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
A. Just in case they get a hole in one.

2. Golfer: “Well, I have never played this badly before!”
Caddy: “I didn’t realize you had played before, sir!”

3. Golfer: “My wife says if I don’t stop playing golf she’s going to leave me!”
Caddy: “I’m sure you will miss her terribly, sir!”

4. Golfer: “Well caddy, do you like my game?”
Caddy: “Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf.”

The cricket match is really boring – no runs, hardly any wickets. The
spectators are getting really fed up. They’re yawning and getting restless.
After a while some of them notice that the sky is getting cloudier and cloudier,
and darker and darker. And then, all of a sudden, all the lights cut out.

“That’s the first time bad play stopped light,” shouted somebody high up in
the stand.

Did u here about the 80-pound guy with the 40-pound testicles?
People say he was half nuts!

A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk
notices the “Just Married” sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the
luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing.

He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and
goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens
to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions
his behavior.

“I know it’s none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren’t having
sex with your new wife.”

“Oh, I couldn’t do that; she has gonorrhea.”

“Well, what about anal sex?”

“Couldn’t do that; she has diarrhea.”

“There is always oral sex.”

“Nope, she has pyorrhea.”

“Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you
marry her?”

“That’s easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!”

Football: A game consisting of 22 skilled players, one impartial referee, two
eagle eyed referee’s assistants and one stupid ball.
Teammate: Another person that you have to dribble around
Fans: Two sets of abusive referees
Offside: The Bermuda Triangle area of the pitch where “innocent” players are
drawn towards.
Scoring: When 11 men spontaneously start dancing and kissing, regardless of
any injuries, whilst 11 others droop like wallflowers
Striker: Faultless, overpaid, box hogging lay about whom only misses the goal
when he is fed a bad ball
Defender: Player who’s function is to commit fouls just outside of the penalty
area
Ball: Round object used by referees to entice players into committing fouls.

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have
a talk with him. “I’ve figured out your problem,” he told the young southpaw.
“You always lose control at the same point in every game.”
“When is that?”
“Right after the National Anthem.”

Brett Favre, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God
was showing him around.

They came to a modest little house with a faded Packers flag in the window.

“This house is yours for eternity, Brett,” said God. “This is very
special; not everyone gets a house up here.”

Brett felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the
porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story
mansion with a Black and Gold sidewalk, 50 foot tall flagpole with an
enormous Steelers logo flag, and in every window, a terrible towel.

Brett looked at God and said “God, I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but I
have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won the Super Bowl, and I even
went to the hall of fame.”

God said “so what do you want to know, Brett?”

“Well, why does Kordell Stewart get a better house than me?”

God chuckled and said, “Brett, that’s not Kordell Stewart’s house, it’s
mine.”

A college football lineman married one of the team’s cheerleaders. The coach
said, “You’re such a big guy–why did you marry such a petite woman? She’s no
bigger than your hand.”
“That’s right, Coach,” replied the lineman, “but she’s much better!”

A man holding a football leaned over his garden gate and shouted to two boys
on the other side of the street,”is this yore ball?” “did it do any damage,
mister?” asked one of the lads “no,it didn’t “Then it is ours” said the boy.

Bob: Hey dick, “Did you know that they are blaming O.J Simpson’s football
coach for commiting the murders?”

Dick: “Are they really Bob?”

Bob: “Yeah really.”

Dick: “What for?”

Bob: “He told O.J to cut right, cut left and run like hell!”