Category: sports

In the heat of the game, one of the players threw a vicious punch the victim
was all set to get -stuck into him when the referee rushed up and held him back.
‘Now then, O’Hara! You know you mustn’t retaliate!’
‘Come on ref!’ said O’Hara. ‘He retaliated first!’

As everyone knows, farmers NEVER go to hell since they are the caretakers
of the Earth. Unfortunately though, an error occurred and Satan found
himself with a new dilemma: what to do with the farmer?

Satan decided that he would treat the farmer as he treats the rest of his
workers, and make him work in the fields. The temperature in hell was 85
degrees with a humidity of 75%. All the workers were complaining about the
heat and the humidity, but not the farmer. The farmer was sitting there
with a happy expression on his face and whistling a favorite hymn. This
made Satan irate, and Satan went to the farmer and asked, “why are you not
complaining like the rest of the workers?” The farmer responded in
delight, “these conditions remind me of when I was a lad and I was working
in the fields in June with my daddy back in Iowa.”

In a rage, Satan decided to turn the temperature up to 100 degrees, and
have the humidity at 90%! The rest of the workers were swearing up a storm
and the farmer continued to whistle his favorite hymn. Satan, more furious
than ever now went up and demanded the farmer to tell him why he was still
joyful. The farmer replied, “Well, this reminds me of a late day in August
bailing hay with my boys back on our farm in Iowa.” Satan was stumped. He
was so mad, but he did not know what to do.

Then the thought came to Satan. Satan decided to turn the temperature down
to five degrees. The temperature made the workers shiver in anger. Not the
farmer though. The farmer was screaming and dancing; he even did a cart
wheel. Satan, in anger screamed at the old man and said, “how can you
still be so happy even when it is so miserable here?” The farmer
responded, “Well, hell just froze over, you know what that means?”

“The Cyclones just beat the Hawkeyes!”

What do fishermen and hypochondriacs have in common?
They don’t really have to catch anything to be happy.

A fellow gets ready to make his first jump. His jumpmaster sees
he’s nervous and says, “Don’t worry. Just get out there, arch,
count to ten, and pull your main ripcord. If there’s a problem
with the main, you know you have a reserve. When you land, the
truck will pick you up and take you back to the loft.”

So the fellow exits, arches and pulls. Nothing happens. He pulls
on his reserve ripcord. Dirty laundry comes out of the reserve
container. He’s falling faster, close to terminal, and he looks
at the ground and says, “Great. I bet the darn truck won’t be
there, either.”

why did the baseball player make so much money

because a good batter makes good dough

One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep
into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into
the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently throught the thick
underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes
that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near
an old golf ball.

Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Thomas, come here, I got
big trouble down here.”

Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, “What’s the
matter Ben?”

Ben shouts back in a nervous voice, “Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can’t
get out of here with an 8-iron.”

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. “Can you
tackle?” asked the coach.

“Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone
pole, shattering it to splinters.

“Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?”

“Of course I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just
over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

“Great!” enthused the coach. “But can you pass a football?”

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. “Well, sir,” he said, “If I can
swallow it, I can probably pass it.”

Julia! Where on earth have you been. You haven’t come out to bowl on the team
in weeks, what’s happened?

Well Sally, I decided to give up bowling and spend all that time just having
sex.

Oh, for heaven’s sake what caused this?

Actually there were several reasons. The balls are lighter and you don’t have
to change shoes.

There was a basketball player that played soccer but not basketball he hated basketball.So he told his coach that he was not going to play basketball anymore and that he is going to play soccer instead. So he asked the soccer coach if he could play soccer and he said yes so now he is playing basketball now.

PS: I didn’t mess up on this it is a joke your not supposed to get because I am the one that wrote it and I don’t even get myself.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob’s voice from beyond.”Bob, Is that you?” Earl asked.”Of course it me,” Bob replied.”This is unbelievable!” Earl exclaimed. “So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?””Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?””Tell me the good news first.””Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl.””Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?””You’re pitching tomorrow night.”

Major League Baseball said Thursday all players will be tested for steroids next year. The drug increases muscle, shrinks testicles and enlarges male breast size.

The commissioner had to do something before Barry Bonds breaks Dolly Parton’s record.

John and his friend George go golfing together one Saturday morning, as they have done for 24 years straight. Yes, you might say these guys were fanatics about their golfing.Later that day, John returns home exhausted, and plops down in the easy chair. His wife is concerned and asks if something went wrong with his game.”No, no,” he replied, “I had the best game I had in years! As a matter of fact, I started out the first three holes at 4 under par, including a hole-in-two on the 3rd.””So why are you so beat?” his wife asked.”Well, George had a heart attack and died on the 4th hole,” he said.”What?!? And you’re so exhausted from trying to save him, huh?””No, It was very quick and there was nothing anyone could’ve done. But after that, it was just hit the ball, drag George, hit the ball, drag George…”