Category: sports

What’s the difference between a golfer having a bad day and a
sky diver having a bad day?

A golfer goes WHACK, “Shit!”

A sky diver goes, “Shit!” WHACK!

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out
looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running
for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him
with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell
flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into
the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You
skin this one while I go and get another one!”

Knocky knocky!
whos there?
me
Me who?
You knwo who!
who
joe
Hi joe!
Hi

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?

A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

Tyson’s psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood….good thing he didn’t say two!

Evander after the fight,”Maybe I shouldn’t have told him to Bite Me'”

Tyson’s favorite football team is the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS.

For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA.

New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!!

They are making a new boxing term for Tyson….instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh.

Can’t beat um…Eat um!!!!

In this corner Evander “the Real Meal” Holyfield!!!!!!!

Before the fight, Mike’s trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.

Q: What’s the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?

A: Touchback.

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman
asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again?”
The man said, “No dear.”

The woman said, “I’m sure you would.”

So the man said, “Okay, I would”

Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?”

And the man replied, “Ya, I guess so.”

Then the woman asked, “Would you let her use my golf
clubs?”

And the man replied, “No, she’s left handed.”

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his
star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math,
but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question and if
you get it right, you can play.”

The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks,
“Okay, now concentrate…what is two plus two?”

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, “Four?”

“Four?!?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach,
give him another chance!”

15> Your mastery of the parallel bars doesn’t include the ability to escape from behind them.14> The IOC still hasn’t forgiven you for what you did in the pool at the last Olympics.13> Launching Chee-tos from your nostrils for distance, while impressive, is not considered an Olympic event outside of Arkansas.12> Fitting your gigantic ass into one of those teeny little gymnastics leotards? Impossibly high degree of difficulty.11> Your “mixed doubles” floor exercise wasn’t quite what the IOC had in mind.10> Although you’ve mastered the forward flip from the garage roof onto a burning table of fluorescent bulbs, you’re pretty sure the 10-meter platform officials will insist on water landings.9> The kind of fencing you specialize in gets you a one-way ticket to Attica, not Athens.8> Other training programs: 10 percent inspiration, 90 percent perspiration.  *Your* training program: 10 percent perspiration, 90 percent prescription.7> Your unique routine was a big crowd-pleaser at the synchronized swimming trials, but somehow the judges weren’t impressed by the “golden fountain” finale.6> Your damn seeing-eye dog keeps fetching the javelin and bringing it back to you.5> You can’t even climb out of the pool without Greenpeace guys showing up to push you back in.4> You have as much chance of passing the drug test as Snoop Dogg after a weekend at Tommy Chong’s.3> USOC officials were actually going along with your “compete in the nude to honor the ancient Greeks” idea until that ugly baton-passing incident.2> Sure, you excel at the shot put, but only the shot-put-in-front-of-you-by-the-bartender.1> Apparently, some crusading puritan bastard slipped crystal meth onto the list of banned substances.             [  The Top 5 List   www.topfive.com  ]             [   Copyright 2004 by Chris White    ]

One golfer tells another: “Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!”
The other replies: “That’s a GREAT trade!”

Why don’t chickens have ears?

Because they grew up on Tyson farms.

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to
his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you
failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a
math question, and if you get it right, you can play.” The player agreed,
and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, “Okay, now
concentrate… what is two plus two?”

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, “4?”

“Did you say 4?!?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on
coach, give him another chance!”

A man goes golfing with his Friend, John. He arrives home several hours late.

His wife asks,”What took you so long?”

He replies,”Oh, honey, it was an horrible afternoon! On the third hole, John
had a heart attack and died on the spot!”

She replies,”Oh, darling! It must have been awful for you!”

The husband replies, “It was hell! Fifteen holes of hit the ball, drag John,
hit the ball, drag John…”